Leaving....

I have had two husbands "leave" me.  The first one had no choice, in fact he said he'd give up heaven to stay with me and our children.  No, he wasn't saying he'd give up his faith. He was taking the idea from the movie, "City of Angels"...the message was, he didn't want to leave me and our children.  But he had no choice, he had a terminal illness and was taken home.  The second one left me four months after we were married.  I came home from working the night shift and he was gone.  He had chosen drugs over a life with me.  His exit wasn't so clean, nor was it easy.  When I married him, I took the same vows I had taken with my first husband.  "Til death do you part".  The two years that followed were nightmarish!  You wouldn't believe some of the stories.  I had a very hard time letting go.  The reality is, I didn't really have a choice.  After sending him to an $800.00 rehab center for 3 months,(the third one I had paid for), his Mom checked him out early and took him home to be with her.  Marriage over, fight over, he was gone.  Had I only realized when I came home from work that first night...He had made his choice that night, and it wasn't to be married to me. 

Both situations have built up scar tissue in my life.  Trust me as I have found out this week, scar tissue can cause issues!  I have a hard time being left.  I have a hard time letting go of relationships that are harmful to me.  Some would say that I have "abandonment" issues.  They are probably right. 

I learned something this week in my quiet time with God.  He left too. Hear me out.  Before Jesus would go to the cross and be crucified for our sins, he told those closest to him that he was leaving. "My children, I will be with you only a little longer..." (John 13:33) "You heard me say, 'I am going away...' "(John 14:28) He told them ahead of time, He was leaving them.  But, what I noticed this week was that Jesus' leaving was different...He doesn't leave us empty handed.  Jesus tells His friends, "But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away.  Unless I go away the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you."  Who is the Advocate?  The Holy Spirit.  God gives us Himself in the form of the Holy Spirit, dwelling in us.  The Holy Spirit teaches, comforts, leads, provides strength, and brings peace.  Jesus couldn't stay, He had to leave so that the Holy Spirit could come and dwell within us and empower us.  Another way Jesus' leaving was different...He's coming back!!  I can count on it, because He promises it.  John 14: 28 "I am going away AND I am coming back to you..."

Can't wait for Him to come back!