Jealous?

I have four kids - my dictionaries are all kids dictionaries but, if you ever want a simplistic definition it is a great place to look...
     jealous: adjective
          1.  If you are jealous of someone, you want what he/she has.
          2.  Afraid that a person you love cares more for someone else than for you.

Some people call jealousy the green-eyed monster.  I have to agree.  I have felt jealousy get a grip on me and I have turned into the "green-eyed monster"! Saying articulate but cutting remarks.  Sending stabbing texts to an unsuspecting recipient.

Why do certain things strike and raise jealousy?  Galatians 5:19 tells us why.  "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity; debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage..."  Need I go on?  Paul did, "I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."   OUCH!  I don't like jealousy being in with all those other things!  I've conquered that all that other stuff through God's deliverance...but jealousy?  Not so much.  I still fight it.  I want her life, she doesn't have to work while going to school.  I want her financial security.  I want her husband, he is so helpful in carrying the load at home.  I want, I want, I want!  What does that say to God?  He is a liar!  WHAAAAT?!  Yep, I'm gonna be that bold.  If I want and think I need what others have I am saying God is not doing what He promised.  He promised to supply my needs.  Philippians 4:19.  Psalm 23:1, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing." Trust. Trust Him that I have what I NEED.  Sounds simple right?  I don't know about you, but for me it certainly hasn't been easy.  Daily, sometimes moment by moment, I need to remind myself of this truth.

Okay, I'm gonna transition.  Our jealousy is flesh screaming out.  But do you know that God is jealous for you?  God is jealous for you?!  Yep, it's truth!

So why is it okay for God to be jealous and not me?  My jealousy is my flesh screaming out, God's jealousy is His heart screaming out.  There is a difference!  He loves me and you and wants to spend time with us, individually.  He gets jealous when we put anything before Him in our hearts and in importance in our lives. James 4:4-6 sums it up great, "You're cheating on God if all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you'll end up enemies of God and His way.  And do you suppose God doesn't care?  The Proverb has it that, 'He's a fiercely jealous lover.'  And what He gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find." (The Message Version)

The next time you experience the "green-eyed monster", stop.  Confess to the Lord your lack of trust, focus on the truth that He promises to give you everything you need, and think of His feelings towards you.  He is jealous for you!  Seek Him first and everything else will be icing on the cake!

On the other side of the flesh... Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Verse 24 says, "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."  Okay, let's put it behind us...let go of I want, I want, I want and trust truth.  God WILL supply everything I need.

NO!

Sometimes the word just has to be used. No substitute will do. I strongly encourage the use of the word when temptation comes knocking at the front door!  There have been times I have said it out loud with volume, even when the battle was just in my head. 😊

Satan came knocking at my door last night. I don't know why I even expect him  to go away once and for all. He won't and he has ONE plan for me.  1 Peter 5:8  "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour".  John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy."   Read the last one again....don't miss the "ands", they are not "ors", they are ANDs.  It is not enough that satan wants to steal from us, he wants more!  He wants to kill AND destroy!  Be aware!  The simple little temptation or temporary "feel good" has purpose! To devour, steal, kill, and destroy me and you!  Jesus teaches us about satan, "he was a murderer from the beginning not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is the father of lies." John 8:44b

We need to see clearly friends!  There is something, someone behind the temptation to step away from truth, his name is satan.  Jesus has already won the battle against him on our behalf, we stand in victory with Him.  Just say NO when he shows his face!  His tactics are never new and his purpose never changes. Say NO!

I want to end by giving Jesus the last word. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10. The choice is mine/yours...destruction vs. life.  Hard choice? NO!!!  😊

Unrestrained action

The definition of the word "indulge" is unrestrained action.  That pretty much sums up a long period of my life.  I was looking to feel good and to find someone else to be the "strong one" in my life.  I hate having to be the strong one!  I want to defer to someone else.  I want to cuddle up in the arms of someone stronger and bigger than me.  I'll spare you the details, but off and on for years I had unrestrained action, putting it all out there to "feel good" and get rid of pain.  Ask me how that worked out for me! NOT so well!!  I am alone and have heaped more scar tissue into my life and my children's lives.  Isn't it funny how we call it a feel good and in reality it only feels good for a moment and then brings more pain that lasts a lot longer.  Since the time I was 13, my "feel good" has been men.  I crave affirmation from men.  Maybe because I didn't get much from my Dad.  Most people don't know this about me.  It has been a battle.  I don't feel good about myself unless I have affirmation from a man or someone.  I don't think I am beautiful unless someone tells me I am.  I don't think I am valuable unless I am in a relationship with a man.  Get the point?  No man can fill that hole!  Marty couldn't, and he was a great man.  That is a God spot to fill!  I don't care what your craving is, it can be food, alcohol, or men; realize right now what you are seeking can only be filled by GOD!  These cravings are tricky.  It has taken me years to call it for what it is, it is idolatry and fleshly living!  Ten commandments, #1!!  Putting other things in my heart before God is idolatry. Fleshly living is when I allow my cravings to rule my behavior.  As a Christian I am supposed to be more disciplined than that. 

"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.  The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.  The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.  Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God."  Romans 8: 5-8 NIV

Note what those verses say:

•  A mind that is ruled by the flesh = death.  Not fleshly desires = fun, freedom, needs met, happy living...all the things the world tries to convince of us of!

•  A mind governed by the Spirit, meaning God and His principles = life and peace.  So not the world's message!  I will find life and peace if I follow God, not by satisfying my fleshly cravings.
• Our lives are governed by our minds.  The battlefield is in our mind!  Focus your mind and the behaviors will follow.  Set your mind on Godly things and your cravings will change.  Mine have!

The net net:  Crave your relationship with God first and foremost, it is truly where life and peace can be found.  I have found in my life that when all else is taken away...God remains and He is faithful to supply and meet all my needs.  Craving Him does not bring backlash, it brings a deeper lasting "feel good".  Go to the source my friends, He will not disappoint.  :)

 

Take it away!

I am tired of the struggle!  Lord please take it away!!!  I have been single for a LONG time and I don't want to be!  I have asked the Lord several times to either bring me a man or take the desire away.  Funny how the human brain works.  Because He hasn't taken it away, surely there is a man out there for me. So let's do the obvious and go look!  Get this show on the road I tell myself.  Where has this gotten me? Into many BAD relationships!  Yes I could do the same again.  I do believe my "picker" has gotten better because of my past mistakes.  But ya know what?  I'm fried from the experiences, from the bad choices, from the good choice that didn't share the same feelings.  So, I go back to God. Begging Him to take the desire away.  Then I read this...

"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12: 8,9

Um....
Several thought I have about this scripture.

• Realize that our weaknesses have purpose!  So contrary to the world's humanistic thought.  The world says, "weakness is just weakness...suck it up, push through it and get stronger".  Then there's my favorite, "what doesn't break you makes you stronger".  Wrong!  God uses our weakness to show of HIS strength and ability, not my own.
• Sometimes God doesn't take the struggle away.  While it is thought that Paul's "thorn" was a physical disability, mind thorns are equally debilitating.  I don't think the point in this passage is to stop asking for the thorn to be taken away, I think it is to come to a peaceful place with the thorn still there.  God can take it away at any time.  He tells us to keep asking, but keep moving!
• I guess there is hope for me!  I'll keep writing on this blog, "boasting" about my struggle, so that God's power is shown great.  I believe He has laid it on my heart to do so, I never thought it was to show HIS greatness.  I simply thought it was therapy for me.  :)

I love God's word!  It is the life-spring to my aching soul.  Trust God to know the message you need to hear today.  His word is alive and very personal.  Okay Lord I get it...take it away or show yourself BIG!  :)

Actions and words

There were many years that I needed to heed what this book talks about.  I have dog-eared half of the pages! I have to ask myself why does it take a book like this to figure it out??  Truth is I should have been reading my Bible and trusting the One who truly loves me!  There is no wondering and no doubt about where His heart is.  His actions are easy to read!!  He loves me. He longs to have an intimate relationship with me. He knows me!  He was beaten and died so He could pay my debt. That is love girls!!  And His book is the one with the answers!  The net net: actions and words must be unified. One without the other is empty. 

I recently caught myself yet again, working hard to read between the lines. I was longing to read a message that wasn't being said.  Guess what?! When I finally had enough guts to ask...the words weren't being said because they don't exist! The feeling is NOT there!  The end.  On the other side, if the words are being said but the actions are not supporting it...it's time for a big reality check.  If you are interested, dating, have a friendship with someone who's words and actions don't match...time for a talk. Fight the urge to fill in the blanks yourself, it leads only to more confusion and heartbreak.  

Have the talk, listen to the words and face reality.  Remember there is One whose actions and words match perfectly always. His love is real and deep  for you. His name is Jesus.  

Leaving....

I have had two husbands "leave" me.  The first one had no choice, in fact he said he'd give up heaven to stay with me and our children.  No, he wasn't saying he'd give up his faith. He was taking the idea from the movie, "City of Angels"...the message was, he didn't want to leave me and our children.  But he had no choice, he had a terminal illness and was taken home.  The second one left me four months after we were married.  I came home from working the night shift and he was gone.  He had chosen drugs over a life with me.  His exit wasn't so clean, nor was it easy.  When I married him, I took the same vows I had taken with my first husband.  "Til death do you part".  The two years that followed were nightmarish!  You wouldn't believe some of the stories.  I had a very hard time letting go.  The reality is, I didn't really have a choice.  After sending him to an $800.00 rehab center for 3 months,(the third one I had paid for), his Mom checked him out early and took him home to be with her.  Marriage over, fight over, he was gone.  Had I only realized when I came home from work that first night...He had made his choice that night, and it wasn't to be married to me. 

Both situations have built up scar tissue in my life.  Trust me as I have found out this week, scar tissue can cause issues!  I have a hard time being left.  I have a hard time letting go of relationships that are harmful to me.  Some would say that I have "abandonment" issues.  They are probably right. 

I learned something this week in my quiet time with God.  He left too. Hear me out.  Before Jesus would go to the cross and be crucified for our sins, he told those closest to him that he was leaving. "My children, I will be with you only a little longer..." (John 13:33) "You heard me say, 'I am going away...' "(John 14:28) He told them ahead of time, He was leaving them.  But, what I noticed this week was that Jesus' leaving was different...He doesn't leave us empty handed.  Jesus tells His friends, "But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away.  Unless I go away the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you."  Who is the Advocate?  The Holy Spirit.  God gives us Himself in the form of the Holy Spirit, dwelling in us.  The Holy Spirit teaches, comforts, leads, provides strength, and brings peace.  Jesus couldn't stay, He had to leave so that the Holy Spirit could come and dwell within us and empower us.  Another way Jesus' leaving was different...He's coming back!!  I can count on it, because He promises it.  John 14: 28 "I am going away AND I am coming back to you..."

Can't wait for Him to come back!  

God doesn't need my fingers in the picture!!

God taught me a Sarah lesson this day!  I had driven up to Sedona for the day for some quiet study time.  I pulled into a favorite spot, opened up the back of my truck and relaxed in a rare moment.  And look what God did!  A giant heart shaped shadow on the mountainside right before my very eyes.  The lesson was this...
I could see the heart in the very first picture, but it wasn't completely formed. So I put my finger in the next picture.  To me this would show the heart I was seeing to others.  As I sat there, over the next hour, God would "clean up" the heart edges without my finger in the picture.  The heart would be clear to all, without my help.

God quietly whispered into my soul..."Pam, I didn't need your help.  The heart is there, just wait while I do the work!

In Genesis 15 God promises Abraham and Sarah they will be parents to many children.  In Genesis 16, Sarah gets tired of waiting on God, so she puts her fingers in the picture.  She finds a way to make God's promise come true, in her timing.  Pause for a minute.  Really think about that.  Did God Almighty, El Shadday, need her help???  Um NO!  Does He need my help?  Um NO!!  Does He need your help?  Um NO!!

Sarah's interference added all kinds of troubles and scar tissue to their lives.  God's promise held true...Sarah gave birth to a son...her help wasn't needed.
Again, what's the lesson here?  God's promises are true, His timing is perfect.  My part is to trust Him and patiently wait for HIS timing.  When my fingers get involved trying to force things, there are consequences and added scar tissue.

My Shepherd promises I will lack nothing I need. (Psalm 23:1)  No thing!!  I guess I am not in need of a husband right now!!  :)   Oh to rest in that truth, it is freeing!  I can also rest in the fact that God doesn't need my fingers in the picture, He is able to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine!!  Ephesians 3:20